


Butthurt Report

by WrathoftheStag (Mwuahna)



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Hannibal Loves Will, Hannibal is a Cannibal, Hannibal is such a diva, Idiots in Love, Implied smutuality, M/M, Nekkid Hannigram, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Pouting Hannibal, Will Loves Hannibal, Will calls him on his shit which is good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 08:53:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6188161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mwuahna/pseuds/WrathoftheStag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hannibal pouts, he certainly pouts.  Will decides to call him on it and gives him a "Butthurt Report" to fill out.  Hannibal is not amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Butthurt Report

**Author's Note:**

  * For [miraeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraeth/gifts).



> Inspired by this:  
> 
> 
>   
>    
> 

Will saw the notepad in the discount section of the local drugstore. It read “Butthurt Report.” He had always found that expression very amusing, mainly because it just hearkened back to adolescent retorts along the same vein as, “That’s what she said.”

Among the options one could check off were:

_What caused the butthurt?_  
_Will you be able to move past it?_

But what Will truly found amusing were the reasons for filing the report: “I am an idiot,” “I felt picked on,” and his personal favorite, “I’m better than everyone else.”

He was only stopping for dental floss, but the joke notepad found itself on the conveyor belt being paid for.

**+++**

The argument had been silly, really. Hannibal and Will were in the midst of a rather vigorous sex session. Will was on his knees straddling Hannibal, meeting each of Hannibal’s thrusts with equal lusty force, when Will being caught up in the moment bent down and whispered into Hannibal’s ear, “That’s my old man.” Hannibal responded by immediately ceasing his ministrations and looking Will right in the eyes.

“Old...man?” Hannibal asked, blinking twice.

Will, still breathless, felt his face flush instantly, “What? No. I mean...you know what I mean.”

“No, William. I don’t,” and with that Hannibal gingerly grabbed Will by the hips, rolled him over to the side of the bed, and got up.

“Hannibal. Hannibal, wait,” Will called as he watched Hannibal take his robe and walk out of their bedroom.

That was two days ago, and Hannibal had barely spoken more than a few sentences to Will since then.

**+++**

“Would you like some coffee?” Will had asked as he meekly brought Hannibal a mug in the morning.

“Thank you. I hope this wasn't too inconvenient,” Hannibal responded taking the mug and ignoring Will’s face in favor of the book that was currently in his hands.

+

“I’m taking Encephalitis out for a walk. Would you like to come with us?”

“No, thank you. I would not want to slow you down.”

The gist of their “conversations” had been like that and not much more. Clearly Will did not see Hannibal as an old man, but just as clearly this was something that bothered Hannibal. So Will went about trying to apologize.

+

Hannibal had been in the study working, when Will poked his head in.

“Yes, Will?” Hannibal asked without looking up.

“I was wondering...if you’d like, I can make dinner tonight. If you like. Maybe a nice leek soup and some bread?”

“Well, I suppose that would be easiest for me to chew,” Hannibal replied while writing in his Moleskine notebook.

Will sighed and walked over to Hannibal’s desk, crouching down on his haunches looking up at Hannibal.

“What is it?” Hannibal asked.

“Will you please look at me?”

Hannibal sighed, put his pen down, and turned to look at Will -- his expression emotionless.

“The other night, I didn’t mean that you were old. I mean, I was just so into _us_ and, Jesus, when we’re doing it you just take me to other places. I’m not even here -- and words just spill out. You’re _not_ old. I’ve never seen you as old. You are just...my Hannibal.”

Hannibal looked at him, raised an eyebrow, picked up his pen and continued writing. “Thank you, Will. I’ll keep that in mind...if I can remember.”

Will threw his arms up exasperatedly and got up. “Fine. I give up.”

**+++**

And so it was that Hannibal walked into their bedroom to find a note on his pillow which read, “Butthurt Report.” He took the small piece of paper, read it, and immediately walked out of the bedroom. 

“Will?”

“I’m in the study,” Will yelled from downstairs.

Hannibal walked in, holding the offending piece of paper by the corner, as if it would soil his hand if he held a firmer grip. “What is this?”

Will who had been on the floor working on rearranging the lures in his tackle box, looked up and said with a most serious face, “It looks like a Butthurt Report to me.”

“Why was this on my pillow? Do you find this humorous?” 

“Well, I guess that depends on what boxes you mark off?” Will said and began to laugh.

Hannibal threw the Butthurt Report in Will’s direction, turned around and began to walk out of the study. Will still laughing, scrambled to his feet and ran after Hannibal.

“Hey! Wait!” He reached for Hannibal’s arm, and Hannibal in turn spun them around and pinned Will against the wall.

“Now would an old man be able to do that with the ease you’ve just shown?’” Will asked touching his lip with his tongue, while looking at Hannibal’s mouth. Hannibal responded with a crushing kiss as Will eagerly leaned into Hannibal and ripped his shirt open, buttons flying through the air, pinging on the ceramic tile floor.

**+++**

Encephalitis had grown quite used to seeing her beloved masters appear suddenly naked and sprawled across many surfaces throughout their home, so she just walked over their bodies on the floor while trying to get through the hallway to the kitchen.

Will was on his side, reading the Butthurt Report options to Hannibal, while Hannibal lay on his stomach with his head on top of his folded arms. 

“So, was your former butthurt because you are thin-skinned, felt picked on, or an idiot?” Hannibal carefully considered his options. 

He hummed and said, "Clearly it is because I am better than everyone else."

Will smiled and said, “Of course, you ridiculous man. Clearly.”

Hannibal grinned and then said, with eyes looking over at Will, “I realize I am older than you, Will. That is just a given, and right now it is not something we think about. But one day…”

“One day what? No. One day you’ll be older and I’ll be older. So what? You will always be my dragon slayer; all fire, sex, and death and brilliance -- and no amount of time can change that.”

“Fair enough, my clever boy.”

Will laughed, “So you can call me a boy, and _that’s_ acceptable?”

“Will, would you like to fill out your own Butthurt Report?” Hannibal asked.

Will shook his head and chuckled, “Never thought I’d live to see the day I hear Hannibal Lecter say the words ‘butthurt’.”

“When _you_ advance in age, I suppose you may begin to say whatever you wish,” Hannibal said with a wink.


End file.
